Trauma that breeds cruelty. How psychologist Tetiana Rudenko helps soldiers and their families.

15 years ago, Tetyana Rudenko entered the Faculty of Psychology to get an answer to a question that had interested her since childhood: how a person is made.

Ten years ago, when Russia had already annexed Crimea and the ATO began, Tetyana decided to help military personnel and their families in the best way she could – namely, to provide psychological support. She created the public organization "Free Choice" and, together with two other psychologists, began working as a volunteer.

Now "Free Choice" has 52 psychologists and about 1,700 consultations per month. As well as camps for families of fallen military personnel, a psychological support application used by over 40,000 people, support groups for teenagers, and many other areas of work.

LIGA.net talked to Tetyana and found out what it was like to create a large organization from scratch and independently learn to work with military personnel and their family members.

"I wanted to understand what a person is made of"

Since childhood, Tetyana Rudenko has been interested in the main question: how a person is made. Her mother worked at the Department of Psychology, and her father was a military sailor. He often told stories where human relationships came to the fore, and psychological knowledge helped to get out of difficult situations.

"Somewhere in the eighth grade, I got my hands on a science-fiction book on psychology, and I got hooked on it," says Tetyana. "Then, however, there was a stage in my life when I wanted to "sail the big waters" – I applied to the Academy of Water Transport, like my father. But, in the end, I took the documents and entered the psychology department. It was a natural, obvious choice. There are people who are interested in how a plant grows, or other physical processes. I wanted to understand what a person is made of, what is in their head."

In parallel with her studies, Tetyana worked. She recalls everything she could do: from a cleaner to an electrician. During the financial crisis of 2008, she even worked in the insurance sector, but she burned out and returned to practical psychology:

"I went to work as a school psychologist and received additional specializations: cognitive-behavioral and schema therapy were added to my knowledge base," says Tetyana. "The third major layer of knowledge – EMDR therapy (a psychotherapy method that helps process traumatic memories and emotions using eye movements. – LIGA.net) – I finished studying during the Great War."

Going to therapy is a choice

The Revolution of Dignity finally dotted the "i"s and made it clear what kind of psychologist Tetyana wants to be. Her close friends volunteered for the Armed Forces of Ukraine immediately after the annexation of Crimea, and it became clear: the war is starting and it will be for a long time. The decision came naturally: we needed to create an organization that would provide psychological assistance to military personnel.

"I started looking for like-minded psychologists. I found them. There were three of us: me, Tamara Prydatko, and Lesya Viter," recalls Tetyana. "We didn't know exactly how to work with military personnel and their families, we didn't have that kind of experience. We were ready to learn. We understood that in order to raise funds and develop, we needed to create a public organization. But we didn't know how to draw up, report, what a charter was, where to get it... We started to figure it out. At first, we wanted to call ourselves "Kolo." Then it turned out that by that time there were a million different circles. And now we had to submit documents, but we didn't have a name."

Tatyana spent half the night trying to come up with a name. She thought of different options, and then remembered that it all started with Euromaidan – with the spirit of freedom and the idea that a person can choose their own path in life.

"I started to promote this idea further. For example, being depressed and going to therapy is a choice. Not going to therapy is also a choice. I believe that each of us is responsible for our mental health. By the way, it is mental, there is no such term as "mental health". Mental health in Ukrainian translation is mental health. But the word "mental" is still stigmatized and scares people away. It's like Voldemort, who can't be named. And I think it's important to call things by their right names. In January 2015, we received a document: our NGO "Free Choice" began to exist de jure."

The first grant bought a printer

At first, the girls worked as volunteers for free. Their first direction was to work with women waiting for their military husbands. These were support groups.

"It was supportive therapy. We didn't have our own office, but I worked at a children's center at the time, and we were allocated time for these classes. We started communicating with society: we exist, you can contact us. We started a Facebook page, told colleagues, volunteer communities, and public organizations about our activities. And military families contacted us. Later, the first veterans appeared, and we started working with them." They had various requests: from post-traumatic stress reactions to finding themselves in civilian life.

"Free Choice" grew. There was more and more work, and resources were needed for the psychologists themselves, who also became more numerous – about ten. They started talking about stable payment for their work. Psychologist Olena Siguta also joined the team and began actively building the NGO. Together with Tetyana, she took up management activities:

"In such work, burnout occurs quite quickly," says Tetyana. "Plus, each of us had other jobs that brought in profit. And "Free Choice" only took up time and energy. We went through a series of extremely difficult crises, when we didn't have enough time, energy, and we just gave up... Sometimes I thought: "We need to close this story." Because building the NGO, that is, scaling and looking for funding, didn't work out. After all, that's all you had to do. What if it's volunteering? What do you live for?"

The first grant "Free Choice" received from the organization "Crimea SOS": ten thousand hryvnias for the development of the NGO. With this money, the psychologists bought a printer, flipchart, paper and some stationery.

"We worked as volunteers for several years and received this first money in 2015, although, probably, we could have done it earlier. We didn't know how," recalls Tetyana. "The accountant appeared in our company even later: I was also engaged in this work. My humanitarian brain was exploding. Olena and I took courses in fundraising and management of non-profit organizations. But we started receiving stable funding only when we became a reputable NGO. We were small, but proud."

"How did they imagine a veteran? A grandfather with a carnation"

In 2016, the public sector in the field of military and veterans began to develop actively. This gave impetus to the creation of various organizations. "Free Choice" began to actively cooperate with some of them:

"Military personnel were sent to us, the name "Free Choice" became established in this area. We all continued to study additionally, and we were known as evidence-based psychologists. And in practice, we gained experience that could not be learned anywhere else: for example, working with trauma in conditions where a traumatic event is not over. Let me explain how it is: a person got into a traffic accident. It happened, the event ended, but there may be consequences in the form of post-traumatic stress reactions: sleep disorders, anxiety, panic attacks. We live in a situation where "traffic accidents" occur every day. And it is difficult for us to integrate this experience, because new traumatic events are constantly appearing. This applies to both civilians and military personnel."

Tetyana says that there is no and cannot be a unified algorithm for how to help with each specific trauma, because all people are different, and they also experience the experience differently. "In the Armed Forces of Ukraine, those who used to plant strawberries, build businesses, or deliver milk are also very different people," says Tetyana. "Besides, serving in the infantry is one story, and serving in the air defense is another. But in both cases, these can be quite complicated stories, regardless of the specifics of the service. We cannot say for sure how and what a soldier will feel when he returns to a relatively peaceful place."

The stigmatization of veterans, which was quite widespread before the start of the great war, added to the difficulties in the work:

"How did they imagine a veteran? A grandfather with a carnation. In 2014-2015, another misconception about the military was added. At every step, remember, they shouted "there will be an Afghan syndrome!" But the truth is this: they will return "like from Afghanistan" if civilians behave like Soviet shit."

The "Base" application and returning smiles to widows

Until the start of the Great War, "Free Choice" was developing organically. Grants were becoming more and more numerous, ambitious plans emerged: to create an application for active military personnel and their families that would help them in difficult times.

"In 2022, already during the Great War, we released this application, called it "Base", it is free. We are very, very proud of it. It contains psychological stabilization techniques, exercises, meditations, materials about various states, so that a person can understand: this is happening to me now. And I can help myself like this. Certain functions work without the Internet. We also added useful contacts and the ability to write directly to a psychologist. This is not therapy, just one question, but a living person will give an answer. For example, what should I do if I don't sleep for two weeks? We currently have data that more than 40 thousand people use "Base".

Currently, the NGO "Free Choice" employs 52 psychologists and 26 administrative staff. A small team of like-minded people has grown into a powerful organization. In May 2025 alone, psychotherapists of "Free Choice" conducted over 1,700 consultations. They also began conducting psychoeducational groups for teenagers – they teach young people to understand their emotions and states. They conduct field camps for families of fallen soldiers in the Carpathians – this year there have already been two of them, and at least four more are planned.

"Mothers with teenage children can go there. You know, widows don't smile. They are silent. They are closed. They come like that. But they come back with smiles, they can interact with other people. It's as if they are physically changing. We do everything to let them feel: life goes on. Pain is inevitable. But other suffering is not necessary. We reduce the level of pain to such an extent that they can live and raise their children," says Tetyana.

"Free Choice" tries to cover as many areas as possible where any people in any way encounter trauma – their own or someone else's. For example, they published the manual "When a Person Cryes" – a guide to first-aid emotional support for non-psychologists who, in their work, come into contact with people in acute crisis situations, experiencing grief and loss, anxiety, aggression. They participate in the Repower project – this is the only project in Ukraine that focuses exclusively on the psychological recovery of active military medics.

The goal is to teach them to cope independently

In addition to Ukrainian military personnel, "Free Choice" helps everyone who has come to the defense of Ukraine. Among those who seek help are military personnel from Canada, Belarus, and the United Kingdom. The main goal is to teach them to cope with difficult situations independently.

"We keep in touch with some clients," says Tetyana. "It happens like this: for example, in 2014-2015, a veteran turns to us and undergoes therapy. He receives tools for self-support, knows what to do during various states. In 2022, he returns to the war and shares with us: "It's good that I developed these skills before the big war. Because now I know what to do. I fix the "bells" when I need to contact a psychologist or psychiatrist, it's not scary. The path is well-trodden."

Working at "Free Choice" helped Tetyana, if not answer, then at least get closer to the answer to the question that has been bothering her since childhood.

"Now I understand much better what a person is made of," says Tetyana. "But this does not bring relief. Trauma gives rise to cruelty. Cruelty is a new trauma. People hurt other people because others have hurt them in the past. And there is a feeling that this cycle is endless. Sometimes it becomes global. My pink dream is that there would be no need for organizations like ours. But until it comes true, we are here. If you are a military man or a member of a military man's family and you need help, write to us in private messengers. We will help. Of course, free of charge."

When things get tough for Tatyana, she finds relief with work. This returns a sense of control over at least something in her life and gives another feeling: everything is not in vain, this work benefits society. But most importantly, it gives the opportunity for the same free choice:

"Each of us has a choice: to focus on something good or to think only about the bad. I choose the first," says Tatyana.